Insomnia

Not a shocking title given that it's 3:47am and I am not in college and don't have an infant. Quite honestly I was rarely awake at 3:47 even in college. I like my sleep. And definitely did not have insomnia nor time to blog when Little Miss Feed Me Now was an infant.

Insomnia sucks. Now I know people that suffer from insomnia and when they can't sleep they just get up and do something productive like bake muffins, finish presentations, write the great American novel, solve world peace. But I'm just not one of them. Normally, I just toss and turn for hours - which the husband who can sleep through anything does not appreciate. I can usually convince myself that just lying in bed is good rest and that will relax me enought to fall asleep. Occasionally (like tonight) I'll get up and have a little snack - but I'm not sure smores poptarts is on the list of good falling back to sleep foods - but I did have some milk too. Granted, I think it was supposed to be warm milk, but whatever.

Even more rarely I'll wake up and write in my journal... but really that's a lot of effort and usually involves some soul searching into what is going through my mind keeping me awake. I usually have to have multiple nights of insomnia for that to happen.

I did once get up and search the internet - I took the USA Today quiz to figure out which presidential candidate I should back -- none of the 3 that matched my beliefs are still in the running. Neither Obama nor McCain ever came up now matter how I changed the importance factors. But I digress... though disappointed in our options that is not what is keeping me awake, though perhaps it should. I'm just a little more self-involved in my own little universe to worry that much about a little thing like who's the leader of the free world.

Reading is supposed to be a solution too -- but I find I get caught up in what I'm reading and stay awake forever trying to read one more chapter.

So I think this blogging during the wee hours is a good combination of internet usage and journal writing. And it's kind of productive -- kind of. Hey I have fans out there begging to read my useless ramblings (don't I??).

So none of this seems to be working so far... here I am writing away and still feeling wide awake.

So tell me, any readers out there, what do you do when you have insomnia? Looking for suggestions. And while you're at it, I'm also looking for a good razor. If you have one you like - let me know that too. This Soleil thing is just not doing it for me and my legs.

Where are the men?

The last entry was not really the entry I meant to write. But somehow the words just came out and I was on a new topic. No really, what I wanted to write about is men. Yes men. Not male-bashing, not lusting - just in general.

After my awful morning (read previous blog). I decided to get a latte at Starbucks before facing motherhood for the rest of the day (plus I had been to Limited Too shopping for my niece - that's enough to give anyone a headache). I excitedly walked in, ordered a Tall Non-Fat Pumpkin Spice Latte (so excited fall is here - can't wait for the Gingerbread to come back!!)
As I waited I listened to the 2 male barrista's bantering about celebrity death matches (Gilgamesh vs Witchy Poo) and 2 male customers thanking them for the entertainment as they packed up their laptops to go. I wanted to stay. I wanted to abandon motherhood and spend my day discussing celebrity death matches with the barristas and customers. Though I realized it was inappropriate for me to spend all day with strange men - even if they were gay.
But this got me realizing something. Now that I'm a stay at home mom - I am living in a female only world. Other than my dear husband, the only males I have interaction with are the bag "boys" (they're all over 70) at Tom Thumb. How did this happen? I spend my days at playdates, Little Gym, Pre-School, PTA meetings all with other moms. There are no dads that participate in these events. I know that there are stay at home dads- but they don't interact in these groups. And I go out in the evenings - of course I do. Dear Husband often complains that I am a gold member of the "Need to Get Away from my Husband Club". So I go to Mom's Night out, Girls Night Out... all female.

So I realize this today and have spent all day trying to realize what this means. Should I care? What is missing in my life without the friendship and comraderie of men.
First - humor. Mom's are not funny. There is not a lot of laughing and banter going on in these Mom's groups. Why is that? Are we so caught up in Sesame Street and Dora that we forgot about witty banter. In fairness, this is not a female thing. Lots of witty banter goes on at Girls Night - which is not a group of moms but a group of women, some of whom happen to be Moms. But that's just once a month. Or is that all the things worth bantering about happen in the work place?

Second - sports. Women do not discuss sports. Not all women, my friend @franklin5 (Twittername) does Twitter about football, but Thursday at the PTA meeting no one was singing "Are you ready for some football?" as I was doing (okay just in my head). Maybe everyone was doing it but was afraid to sing out loud.

Third - jargon. I don't miss it, but I've realized that all corporate jargon is created by men. It's not surprising that most of the Dilbert characters are men. Maybe this is why there's not so much sarcasm among a group of mom's. It's okay to mock the boss or the finance department, but kind of rude to mock another mother's parenting. Unless - hey maybe they're all mocking my mothering and that's why I don't hear the jokes (see previous post - not mom of year).

I'm sure there are other things missing. After all how is it that a whole segment of society goes about their lives not interacting with 50% of the population (other than their husbands - and I bet some don't even interact with that poor guy)? It's all very odd - but other than going back to Starbucks every Mon, Wed, Fri morning - it'll probably stay that way for awhile....

I'm Not Winning Mother of the Year this Year

Today was not a good day. I woke up before the alarm - 6:34 to be exact. Why? I don't know. A little after 7 I got up, showered, dressed, ate breakfast... all the typical things one does in the morning. Except, wait, these are not typical for me. At least not for the last 3 months. The last 3 months. I have been a stay at home Mom. Which I decided meant a person who stays in their pajamas until 10 or if I absoutley had to get dressed would put on work out clothes. Sometimes, I actually would work out, but other times I just gave the impression I had worked out, so no one questions why you have not showered and look like crap. Hey, it works for me.

But back to today. Little Miss Not a Morning Person has taken to sleeping until 8:15. Now normally I think that I have the ideal child. Who would complain about a child that sleeps until 8:15? The mother who has to get said child to pre-school by 9. That's who. And it's not like she did this all summer long. Nooooo... Most of the summer, Little Miss "Get Up Mama" was waking up at 7, for a short period before 7. We have rules in our household. We do not get up before 7 and if we do, we do not wake other members of the household. I'm pretty sure it's in our corporate bylaws. At least Mr. Not a Morning Person and I agree with this rule.

So great, the child sleeps in... and when she does wake up, she's sooooo slow... In fairness, I may have trained her to be this way. This has been our summer:
6am Wake and jog 20 miles (oh wait - that's not what we do - and part of a joke from a previous entry)
For real
Wake between 7-8
Play, eat breakfast, watch My Friends Tigger & Pooh while Mommy showers (if it's necessary to go somewhere in public), play, eventually around 10 or so make our way to Little Gym or a playdate or the park. Home, play, lunch, nap, wake, play, wait for Daddy to come home, play....
You get the point. Not a lot of demands on our time or places we had to be.
So, Little Miss I'll Do What I Damned Well Please has no sense of urgency. Unless I mention the word ice cream or cupcake. But how many times can I lie to the kid to get her in the car? She didn't want anything for breakfast - I can't very well send her to school with an empty stomach. That is not in the Good Mommy Handbook. Somehow I remembered there were leftover pancakes in the refrigerator and the Good Daddy got her to eat them.
Then, Miss I Love My PJs didn't want to get dressed, and the only thing she wanted to wear was the Pooh and Piglet t-shirt lying in the laundry basket stained with ketchup. Now, I'm not going to win Mom of the Year, but I am not sending my kid to school in a ketchup stained t-shirt. Finally, I convinced her to wear a different Pooh outfit by bribing her with TV. Unfortunately, the show was still on when it was time to leave for school. I turned it off.
My child became possessed. Did you ever see the movie Gremlins? The cute fuzzy animal becomes the possessed teeth baring creature of destruction when you add water or feed after midnight? Well add turn off the TV and you can picture my morning. And it didn't stop once I got her in the car (under physical force dragged her into the garage and then pinned her down in her carseat - I did mention I'm not winning Mom of the Year right?) Crying, crying, crying. So much crying I wondered if boarding school was an option for 2 year olds.
Yet in the middle of crying and screaming while driving down Marsh, the cute fuzzy creature returns and yells "Go Cowboys" as we pass a car with a Cowboys flag. (Guess what we did Sunday afternoon?) But then the Gremlin returned when we stopped at a light and I turned around to talk to her. "TURN 'ROUND MOMMY!!" She hates me.

I finally reach the car pool line, exhausted, with a headache, wondering if it's wrong to go drink a Bloody Mary. The teacher reaches to get her out of the car. Fuzzy creature returns - "Mama, Mama, Stay with Mama".

I've decided to keep a bottle of tequila under the car seat.

You know you're hormonal when...

You cry listening to Def Leppard's Love Bites.
You cry watching My Friends Tigger & Pooh.
You cry because your favorite dog died -- 20 years ago.
You start thinking about where your yearbooks are.. and probably would read them if they weren't in the attic, or the garage, or (where are those things??!)
You take a fork to the chocolate pie in the refrigerator. Without ever removing it from the frig, you eat very large section of the pie. (I couldn't have eaten all that in a minute!)
You search for Delilah on the radio.
You're mad at the wind for blowing the lid of the trash can. (Really mad, like you actually yell at the wind.)
You snap at your husband for looking at junk mail before you do (even though it's been sitting on the coffee table for a week and it's JUNK mail... come on.)
You drink the port that's been in the refrigerator since last Christmas
You wish you could drop off the child for a week at your in-laws, or your neighbor ,or heck anyone that would take her for a week.
You have an overwhelming urge at 10 o'clock at night to rush into your child's room, climb into her crib and hold her while praying that nothing bad ever happens to the sweetest, most wonderful thing in your life.