Flawed reasoning

I've hurt my back. Technically I've hurt my shoulder - it's the muscle under the shoulder blade which keeps the neck from operating properly that is injured. You've seen people like me - must turn the entire body in order to look a new direction. I would like to tell you that I hurt my back doing something adventurous - riding bareback on the beach, climbing a mountain, uneven parallel bars preparing for London 2012 or even that I hurt my back being a great mother - giving the daughter piggy back rides, carrying her up 3 flights of steps... anything interesting. But no - I strained it slightly doing sit ups on a Monday and several nights later I reached back to grab the blanket and pull it over me about 2 am and SNAP. Yes, that 40 year old muscle couldn't handle the wear and tear of lifting a blanket. I was in tears. I don't think child birth was that painful. (Yeah I know I had a c-section I felt nothing.. but it's what people say.) And my dear husband's reaction - something along the lines of "why are you waking me" - once the tears started I did get some sympathy -like a half-hearted "anything I can do?"while attempting to move pillows, which of course just caused more pain and had I been in less pain I might have inflicted some on him. But of course any movement was painful.

But moving on... things have improved. I've iced, I've rested, I've ibuprofened, I've thought long and hard about elevating - but I'm pretty sure that's impossible. How would I get my shoulder blade above my head unless I did a handstand... and that's just not sounding like a good idea right now. But it's still sore and I'm fearful that it could happen again. So I have made the decision not to exercise until it's healed.

For anyone who's known me for longer than 3 months, you know this is not a difficult decision for me. I like excuses not to exercise. Like it's Monday or I exercised last month. However, for the past 3 months I've been exercising about 6 days a week, religiously and liking it. I've lost 12lbs - I fit in clothes I haven't worn since BC (Before Child)... I have exercised with a cold, late at night, early in the morning (okay that's a lie - no one who knows me at all would believe that one) - but the point is I have made exercise a priority. So I am now taking a sabbatical for the sake of my 40 year shoulder.

So here's the sad logic that goes on in my poor addled brain. If I can't exercise why bother doing anything healthy.? While darling husband goes running, I'm sitting on the couch and eating Gooey Butter Cake (I swear that's the name of this stuff). If I can't exercise, why do anything healthy? I think I'll top this with ice cream and open another bottle of wine too. Heck... I'm an all or nothing kind of girl. Thank goodness I kept the larger clothes in the back of the closet.....

My Diary

I read these "day in the life" articles all the time - you know the ones
5:45 am Wake up and turn on the coffee pot
6:00 am Run 20 miles
7:00 am Make eggs benedict for husband, 5 kids and neighbors down the street....
Need I go one. So I think, maybe for once they ought to have a real person review her day. Here's how mine would go.

7:11 am Our 2 year old starts yelling Ma Ma. Ma Ma. Maaaaaaa Maaaaaa.
7:12 Play dead and hope her dear father will get her.
7:13 The little bossy one is trying another tactic. Da Da. Da Da. Daaaaaaaad!!
7:17 I win.... Daaaaaaaad must be flattered she's calling his name. He gets up. I get to lie in bed while he gets her up.
7:40 "Is Mommy ever getting up?" This is a rhetorical question right? Of course I'm getting up. I'm just going to lie here until someone makes me.. Which is apparently right now.
7:45 Drink coffee and try to sneak a peek at the newspaper before I get scolded for reading it - by the 2 year old of course. I'm supposed to be playing Potato Head.
9:00 am Chase a half naked Alexa around the house. Trying to get her diaper and some clothes on her. Finally have to pin her down. There are tears. And then little obstinate one cries. This morning is NOT turning out good. She tells me to go away. It's tempting.
9:30 We're at the YMCA. One hour to relax. Only the mother of a 2 year old would consider Bosuflex Cardio relaxing.
10:30 Head home to shower and let little energizer bunny watch Mickey Mouse. That's good parenting right? At the very least it's war zone parenting.
11:00 Hmmm what to do now?? Markers, crayons, finger paints. Oh wait it's been announced by the little dictator that it's time for the jungle song. We get to walk around the house looking for jungle animals and making noises. Thank goodness I got that MBA.
Noon - Lunch time. We get to sit. I cook hot dogs and Lean Cuisine. Thank goodness I took those cooking classes.
1pm - My favorite time -- NAP TIME!! And the 2 year old gets to nap too. After a brief rest, I clean up the kitchen from breakfast/lunch, respond to e-mails and phone messages and get the mail. Then I work on the "project du jour". Today it's cleaning out the filing cabinet. Man my life is glamorous.
3pm Is she awake already?? I've only gotten through the "important papers" file - which apparently I have a lot of - or it's just lazy filing.
4pm We take dolly for a walk and run into the 10 year old neighbor. The neighbor plays Hide and Seek with little sweet one. Oh why don't I have my magazine with me? I know I could read at least one article.
5pm The father is home. I must pretend that I have a plan for dinner. Hmmmm. Oh I saw a recipe on the back of the parmesean cheese can. I think we have all the ingredients and I'm pretty sure I can salvage enough mozzerella from the mold to make the meal.
6:30 pm Done. Dinner is served. Little opinionated one eats all her vegetables. I am a great mother.
8pm The child is bathed, diapered and in bed. I've only heard her scold "Baa Baa" one time to go to bed. She must be tired. That makes two of us.
8pm Run 20 miles (not really - but I wanted to throw it in anyway)
10 pm Announce to the husband I'm going to bed
11pm Announce that this time I'm really going to bed
11:30 pm Go to bed and read until I can't keep my eyes open....

I'm pretty sure this is exactly the kind of thing mom's want to read. It makes their lives sound good. That's what I'm here for. Adding little rays of sunshine wherever I go.....

Entering the blogsphere with a shoe full of pee

So I'm blogging. Why am I blogging? Because friends have convinced me that I'm funny.. that I ought to blog and share these funny thoughts. The problem I've realized is that it's not so much that I'm funny as that I'm sarcastic. And I like to point out the ridiculousness in life. The problem there is that it could be insulting to some.. okay many. But I'm going to take the risk. So if you see yourself in here - apologies in advance - especially to you my darling husband.

The irony I have been dealing with lately is motherhood. And how one good day makes me feel like the best, most put together mom in the world. And one bad day and I'm in Barnes and Noble buying all kinds of discipline and toddler books - knowing full well that I don't have time to read these. Yesterday, Alexa (the darling 2-year old) peed in the potty. Any parent knows what a great feeling that is - my daughter is just 2 years old (2 years, 1 month and 7 days to be exact) - and she peed in the potty. I am a great mom. I rock. I read 2 pages of potty training in the middle of Barnes and Noble, came home tried it out and my daughter did it. All because I am the best mother and she is the smartest child in the world.
2 hours later the child is running around naked, refusing to get on the potty, bouncing up and down clearly needing to go - screaming if either parent attempts to put her on the potty. Then she pees on the bathroom floor and proceeds to slip in it all the while screaming as if we are torturing her. I attempt to shove M&Ms in her mouth to stop the panic, while she continues to slip in her pee with her father holding onto her arms shouting at me to clean up the pee - which is all over my feet at this point, but I'm determined to make the child love the potty by shoving M&Ms in her mouth. Of course one falls in the kids potty - which at this point is empty (because all the pee is on the floor) - but still doesn't seem like an edible M&M - but of course toddler decides she MUST HAVE that one - and more hysterical crying ensues as I throw that one out and find a new one.
Needless to say, I burned my application for mom of the year. I'm not sure I should have mailed it in anyway - the wine stains probably wouldn't get me bonus points.